Sometimes I provide health care to healthcare providers. It should be easy, right? Slightly. Tips and tricks that I plan to give to patients who are health care providers that they already know. Every day, such patients offer others diet, exercise, mindfulness, stretching, relaxation, sleep hygiene, and tips for managing stress. So where’s the cut? Why not do something we know will help us?
This question is by no means new. Two thousand years ago, the Apostle Paul wrote, “I want to do what is good, but I do not do it. I don’t want to do bad things, but I do it anyway.”We are complex creatures when it comes to doing things we know are good, especially for ourselves. There seems to be a barrier that prevents us from taking care of ourselves seriously.
Beliefs that are the basis of self-care
Our behavior, including taking care of ourselves, is based on our beliefs. We care about others because we believe loving others is enjoyable and rewarding. We talk on the phone at night with a sick friend and get up early to take our neighbor to the airport. On the contrary, we struggle to make even the smallest sacrifice that would allow us to maintain our health, comfort, physical fitness, happiness, or sharpness of mind. In our pain rehabilitation program, patients sometimes re-traumatize to help others, but at the same time try to follow a simple routine prescribed by physiotherapists and occupational therapists – a routine that would lead to health and healing.
Here are five hidden beliefs that undermine good self-care:
It’s selfish to take care of yourself. We imagine that the ideal person is a completely selfless person, full of infinite love and compassion for others. From this belief, self-care leads to a sense of guilt.
Strong people sacrifice their needs to meet the needs of others. We imagine that if we are brave enough, we can ignore our own needs and selflessly meet the needs of others.
I don’t deserve to take care of myself because I don’t deserve to. We believe that life gives us what we deserve, and we must deserve all the good that comes into our lives. We strive to consider ourselves good enough to deserve the right to care for ourselves. We could have done more or been better.
I don’t have time to focus on myself. We believe that taking care of yourself is time-consuming and not something that happens every day. We tend to ignore the fact that we are very good at spending time with ourselves when watching TV or doing other thoughtless and not refreshing activities.
I am in control of my circumstances. We are prone to the mentality of an external locus of control, not an internal one. We do not consider ourselves responsible for our reactions and can make decisions regardless of the situation in which we find ourselves. The problems we face seem to be something that makes us unhappy, and our response to stress and disadaptation is inevitable.
Three steps to change
Instead of considering the vulnerability of each of these beliefs, let me suggest a simple approach that I found useful to put taking care of myself at the top of people’s priority list. Even avid health workers who poorly monitor their health, according to this advice, could focus on a different approach to life.
The first step is simple. Whatever bad idea you have that prevents you from taking care of yourself, thank your mind. You do not have to argue with yourself about your negative beliefs, you just need to pay attention to what you say, admit it to yourself, step back, and let your noisy mind continue the negative comments that it usually does. Consider your noisy mind a conversational radio station playing in the background of your life, something that exists but is not worth listening to. You are not your noisy mind.
The second step is a bit more complicated. The image in your mind of someone you love very much. For this, I would like to offer the child, if possible. Imagine that you have the supernatural ability to fly over this child’s life and act as a gatekeeper for everything that is put into this child’s life. Now imagine what you want to bring into the life of this valuable child-good friend, nutritious food, restful sleep, useful activities, enriching study experience, love, support, suitable tasks, and encouragement. Everything you allow into the life of this child leads to safety, growth, development, self-knowledge, freedom, and joy. You can also continue to control people who manipulate you, people who play intellectual games and use the child for their purposes. You can exclude junk food, thoughtless entertainment, and things that are fun only at the moment, but cause long-term harm. You can avoid life stressors that disrupt the balance between work and rest.
Now let’s move on to the final step. Considering this image to protect the child you love, remember that in the same way, you are the keeper of your life. What do you tolerate in your life? Do you allow good things to help you grow, recover, and recover after the difficulties you face? Do you tolerate toxic people, junk food, drugs, tobacco, excessive drinking, and expectations of others to do and be someone greater than you could be? If so, you are aware of it and it is a good start!